FAQ’s & Resources

For separating spouses looking for an alternative to court proceedings, mediation can be a helpful and holistic process in finding resolutions to the most contentious issues. This can include thorny questions around the division of assets and finances such as property, savings, retirement accounts, and debts. It also covers highly emotional child related issues such as maintenance payments, custody, where the child will reside, and parenting arrangements.

A neutral, professionally trained divorce mediator can aid communication and negotiation between the two parties and facilitate the process. That said, separation and divorce is a journey and most separating couples may not be ready to make an appointment with a mediator until some key questions have been answered. Here we answer a few of your questions.

How will meditation help us?

Mediation gives you the power to make the divorce process fair, civil, honorable and empowering. Most importantly, to be the best person you can be as a parent and former spouse, throughout the entire process.

How does divorce mediation work in practice?

A divorce mediator can be contacted by either spouse, and an initial meeting arranged. During this first consultation, you will be discussing the nature of the issues to be resolved and to find out if mediation is an appropriate approach to meet your needs.

If you choose to mediate your divorce, further sessions will be scheduled where your issues can be addressed. Once an agreement has been reached, the mediators will draft a divorce agreement that you and your spouse can both discuss separately with your respective review counsel (optional) before it is submitted to the court.

What are the main benefits of mediation?

Mediation can be less stressful and less confrontational than formal court proceedings, thereby reducing the strain of a deteriorating relationship between you and your spouse. The mediation process is also considerably less expensive and more efficient than going to court.

Mediation gives you and your spouse greater control over how issues are tackled and resolved to your mutual satisfaction. A judge, on the other hand, will make a decision that you have to abide by, leaving you with little autonomy.

Finally, for any children involved, the process of mediation can be gentler, less damaging and upsetting than a war between their parents. Because parents are sitting face to face and discussing their children’s needs, the effectuation of parenting plans and the needs of the children can be clearly thought out.

Is a mediation agreement binding and enforceable?

A mediation agreement is neither binding nor enforceable until it becomes part of a court order, signed by a judge.

Do we need lawyers in addition to a mediator?

We always advise that you have a lawyer review the divorce agreement to ensure that the agreement is fair to you and to answer the legal ramifications of your decisions. There is no requirement that you do so.

How can we reach an agreement when every conversation ends in an argument?

This is where a skilled mediator comes in. “Fights” and arguments during mediation are deescalated through ground rules and a process where both parties’ interests and concerns are acknowledged. Secondly, it is up to the mediator to “guide” the mediation away from arguments in order to find common ground between the parties. While it is natural that divorcing couples are going to disagree, an experienced mediator is able to minimize the conflict by building trust between the parties and fostering creative, open-minded solutions to disagreement areas.

Is mediation a form of “couples counseling”?

No. Mediation is not a form of therapy. Many couples come to mediation after they have tried to reconcile their marriage and have made the decision to divorce. In certain circumstances where the mental health issues are more complicated, parties opt to co-mediate with a mental health professional to help resolve some of these issues. However, only an attorney mediator can draft the divorce agreement.

Is mediation helpful for families?

Yes. This is one of the best reasons to mediate as opposed to going to court. If the divorcing parents devise a parenting plan for their children in mediation, they are more likely to cooperate in co-parenting. We have found that if a couple litigates a divorce, and a judge makes a decision regarding the children, the parents often end up back in court with disagreements about parenting time and custody. Mediation is well suited for parents as all parties involved (parents and children) are considered when decisions are made.

Why is mediation so much less expensive than traditional divorce?

a). You are paying one professional instead of two opposing attorneys; b). You are doing the work of resolving your divorce, with the help of the mediator; c). Lawyers and mediators charge for the time they work on your case. Because mediation can be much more efficient and faster than a court battle, less time means less expense.

What are the risks of divorce mediation?

There are few risks. By law, any information revealed to the mediator is confidential. Thus, if the mediation does not succeed, the mediator cannot be forced to testify or reveal anything about the mediation. The risk is in not trying mediation, because the outcome of a litigated (court fought) divorce is extremely uncertain.

Can mediation assist parents who are already divorced address changing circumstances?

Yes. The process for modifications of divorce agreements is the same as for divorce mediation. An experienced divorce attorney/mediator can inform you about the applicable laws, and assist you in changing a previous divorce agreement to meet your needs.